I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
