And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
