whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Randomize
