i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
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there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
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I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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