Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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