Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
