I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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