Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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