The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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