My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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