based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
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I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
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In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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