The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life