you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
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Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
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I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess