um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"