Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE