I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
