I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle