He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.