Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
