Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
