see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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