Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Randomize
