The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
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How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
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Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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