DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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