I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
