i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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