The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
