At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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