No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
