I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
