I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
