I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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