so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
