Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
