I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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