I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
