My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
