I must be too annoying 4 u.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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