I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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