Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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