Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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