We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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