mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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