So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
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i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
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update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize