i jhust puked up my retainher.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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