I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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