Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
