remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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