No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
