did you get engaged???
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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