I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
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The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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