I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
i think im in europe. pls send help
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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