I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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