you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
