Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
