Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
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I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
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If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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