so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
