WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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