I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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