He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
