the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
