You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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