Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
