Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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