i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
