You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
