Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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